Tonight was laundry night. But I couldn’t help thinking of it in terms of Lord of the Rings, seeing as the final movie in the triology is being released this Wednesday.

First, I had to collect the various cloaks and tunics strewn about our lair. Then, carrying an almost unbearable load, I had to exit through the Back Door of Moria. I made my way across the Porch of Peril, descended the Icy Steps of Doom, walked the Treacherous Path (being careful not to look at the lights), and ascended the Snowy Drifts. After descending the Drifts, I crossed into the land of Laundria, into the mighty stronghold of the dark lord Tideomon. Duty required me to cast my burdens into the gaping maw of the Pit of Suds, wait for half an hour, reach IN to the vile pit, and pull the burden out once more! Then, the laundrous burden was thrown into the Fiery Circle, where it tumbled about until all life-giving fluids had been extricated from the very fiber of its being. The grisly task being finished, I carried the still-steaming garments back to our lair, where I wrenched, twisted, bent, and mangled them into unrecognizable forms. In the end, I was able to fit them all neatly back into their hobbit-holes.

Stay tuned for housekeeping part 2: The Two Showers.